Are you glad it's March? On one hand, I feel like February just blew past us like a bat outta hell. On the other hand, I am happy to see it go, because it left me spinning. Last month was tough. Winter can be a hard season as a creative, as a work at home mom, and honestly, just as a person, right?
But, spring is coming. More sunlight. Warmer days. Leaves on trees and flowers popping up out of the ground. So let's just pause and take a suuuuuuuper deep breath, exhale slowly and say 'peace out' to February.
I have learned the hard truth this season that I need to put myself first more. It's not selfish to take care of yourself. We are constantly told to put others first, putting our kids and families first as moms, but yo - who is taking care of us?
There is also mixed messaging about self care, and I think we often confuse indulgence or pampering as care. Stuff like treating yourself to a nice expensive coffee, a mani/pedi, those are things that make us feel good in the moment, but what are we doing to ensure we are cared for daily on a deeper level?
What do you do to look after your physical and mental health? Do you have a spiritual side that you tend to? What habits do you prioritize for yourself to promote self-awareness, so that you know how to go about your day with what you need?
It's. Not. Easy. I get it, I really do. There always seems to be something that needs to be done for someone else, or our work, or around the house. There's dishes to do, noses to wipe, someone needing a drink of water and someone else missing their left shoe.
The needs of others can leave us feeling burdened, tired, resentful, and weary. And we just keep going because it's been hammered into us our whole lives to put other's first.
So, it's time to practice real self-care. This is the season to start cultivating what you need. To slowly start building habits that are focused on you and your needs. To start teaching others that you are a person, you are important, and you are a priority.
I said it before and I'll say it again: It's not selfish to take care of yourself.
Just like we eat, sleep, drink water and breathe, there are things we can do daily to care for ourselves; for our bodies, minds and souls (if that's your thing xo).
Here are five things I have started doing regularly to care for myself. These things very much pertain to being an artist and a work at home mother of an active toddler, but maybe it will help you think of things specific to your life and needs that you can do to feel better on a regular basis.
1. Drink my coffee hot. What this really means: a few minutes of peace and quiet to myself to gather my thoughts as the day begins. Sometimes this means having the tv on Disney Jr. so I can sit in the other room and focus on myself. Some mornings I journal, some mornings I fill out my planner, some mornings I just watch the birds landing in the trees out front and listen to them chirp away.
2. Timed breathing. I give my Apple Watch a lot of credit for this, but it reminds me throughout the day to breathe. For a solid minute, I stop what I'm doing and focus on my breath. It prompts me to time my breathing and focus on clearing my head. It's a huge stress reliever and reminds me not to get so caught up in my head all day.
3. Shower daily. It has become a weird running joke that moms don't get to shower every day, and I'd like to nip that in the bud. Not only is it important to shower and get clean, but my time in the shower is sacred. I literally think about washing away stress, anxiety and things that are troubling me down the drain. I use products that smell nice and make me feel good inside and out. I let my mind wander and do some creative thinking. Whether is 7am or 2:30pm, I make sure I get this time to myself daily.
4. Eat well. Notice I didn't say eat "healthy", but eating well, I think, is an important practice. Foods that not only nourish you, but help you feel good. They taste good, they give you a feeling of comfort, togetherness with friends or family, or a sense of creativity in preparing and cooking. Healthy eating is super important, of course, but the simple act of preparing a good meal that you look forward to can be a form of self care. Those days where we find ourselves wanting comfort food, it’s worth taking a few minutes to stop and think about why, and then choose something that will bring us comfort and nourishment.
5. Rest when you're tired. Our bodies literally tell us what we need. We get signals (especially as women and people who get periods) to slow down, rest, use a heating pad or drink more water. The more in tune with yourself you get, the easier it is to recognize these signals. But it's up to you to acknowledge and allow yourself to slow down, rest, or just go the heck to sleep.
BONUS Do One Thing Every Dang Day That Makes You Happy I know it’s not life altering advice, but honestly, this life we have is so short, and we deserve to be happy. So those things that are more indulgences than self care, they really matter. Getting your nails done, sitting down with a good book, taking a dance class, taking a nap with your baby or dog, going out with your friends, having a movie night, buying yourself flowers, putting on that fire engine red lipstick and dancing to some booty dropping music, WHATEVER IT IS THAT BRINGS HAPPINESS INTO YOUR DAY - do it.
Over time, as I have prioritized myself, it has simply become part of my day and my life. It doesn't feel unnatural or indulgent to do any of these things. It's part of being a whole person. I learned to speak the words out loud, "Mommy is taking a few minutes to rest." or “It’s not mommy’s job to clean up your messes” or "Let's sit together and take some deep breaths" or “I’m not in a great mood, so I’m going to go spend a few minutes doing something else until I maybe feel better”, which is flowing out into my family life. We’re all happier and healthier.
We have the opportunity to teach those around us that we are individuals with needs, and that it's not selfish to tend to ourselves first. It’s not selfish to say no to things that we don’t want or need.
Do you struggle with putting yourself first? What's one thing that you can start doing daily to prioritize and take care of yourself?
Don’t forget to communicate this to your loved ones. Speaking it out loud is powerful. To hear yourself say “I am doing this because I am important” will be a life-changer.