Hey, welcome back! It’s been a bit since my last episode, and I am kicking things off fresh with a new “season” of episodes that will get your creativity flowing, boost your spirits and hopefully help you enjoy doing more of what makes you happy!
When I launched the Creative, Happy Life podcast last September, I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing, and I didn’t have much of a plan for where I wanted to take it. If you know me personally, I’m sure this is sooooo surprising! Can you sense the sarcasm?…But if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s learning and figuring it out as I go! I’m proud of where I started and am glad to have you along for this journey! At the end of the day, I hope to entertain, inspire, and make you feel happy!
Before we get started, join me in the Creative Happy Life Community on Facebook so we can keep the conversation going, ask questions, get inspired, and connect with other creative minds!
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What is your big scary dream?
I wrote this question on a little post-it note and stuck it to my work computer back in 2009. That sticky note moved with me several times over the past decade, and I always kept it on the bottom of my monitor as a reminder to never stop dreaming or reaching for the things I want in life. In 2009, that dream was building a photography business, becoming my own boss, getting married and having a family. My big scary dream was to be the biggest and best photographer in New England, with a super cool blog and I would travel to conferences and tell people to follow their own dreams.
Well, plans change. Life throws curveballs. Dreams evolve. So my question for you today is…what is your big scary dream? Not from childhood. Not from your college years 20 years ago. Wherever you are, right here and now.
What is your big scary dream?
[intro] Hey, I’m Shannon, and you’re listening to the Creative, Happy Life podcast! Join me each week as we share real stories, struggles, wisdom and conversations about life, creativity and the pursuit of happiness. So grab a comfy seat, settle in, and let’s get to it!
Show TRANSCRIPT
Episode 10: WHAT IS YOUR BIG SCARY DREAM?
Hello, friends! Welcome to the Creative, Happy Life podcast. I’m your host, Shannon Sorensen, and I am so glad to be here! I am back! It has been about 6 months since I pushed out my last episode, and oh my goodness…It feels like a lifetime ago, if I’m being honest, and I think many of you would agree. Six months ago, it was April, we were still very much at the beginning of all of this. Most people were still staying home, schools and businesses were closed and there was a lot of uncertainty if, when, and how things would open back up. We were still at a point of not knowing just how long this would stretch out for.
There are still a lot of questions, and some rising uncertainty with case numbers starting to really spike again, the Presidential election is next week. We’ve kind of been operating at a high level of anxiety, trauma and exhaustion that has been taking a toll. I’ve been feeling it, I know many of my friends who are teachers and healthcare workers are feeling it. So I just want to send out some love and support to you if you are listening right now and feeling the burnout. You are appreciated. You are loved. You are supported. I hope this episode helps you feel better, inspires you, and gives you a push to do something for yourself today, even something like going to bed an hour earlier or making a delicious cup of coffee, tea or cocoa and enjoying it while it is hot.
It’s the little things, right? You deserve to enjoy the happy little things in each day. In a world that feels like we’re teetering on the edge of a cliff, with hope and potential to our left, and plummeting to our doom on the right, we have to find ways to love and support ourselves, and each other, and create moments and spaces of safety and comfort. And that looks different for everyone, but I hope you can prioritize your needs in whatever way feels right, whether it’s asking for help, going to therapy, calling a friend, or communicating your needs to a loved one. It literally takes a village some days, so I hope you can cultivate a circle of loving support. We all need to hold each other up and some days we need more support, other days we can give more support.
So, what’s good right now? My daughter is at school 4 days a week, for now, and we’re doing everything we can to keep it that way, but we’re also being flexible. We talk a lot about being flexible these days. My husband is back to work, at his place of work, not working from home. I know a lot of people are still working from home for the forseeable future, so we’re still “in it”, just a different “in it” than we were a few months ago.
I took this break from recording the podcast because I really needed to focus a lot of my time and energy on my kids and home, and my creative work, because for me, my work pretty much just stopped. The photography industry, like many industries, has taken a major hit. I’ve been a photographer for almost 11 years, and when all of this happened in March, my newborn sessions were postponed indefinitely. I typically go to people’s homes to photograph their babies and family life in those early days with their newborns, and I spend a couple hours in their home. And I couldn’t do that! I had a wedding postponed from September to next April, so we’ll see what happens over this winter. And then all the family sessions I usually have throughout the summer and into the fall were significantly reduced or stopped.
I realized pretty quickly that I had to get creative and think of other ways to work. And one of the things I immediately turned to, which ties into what we’re going to talk about today, is painting! I started making real time for myself back in January, before any of this Covid-19 stuff was really on our radar, because I love it! I always knew I loved it, but it’s one of those things I simply didn’t prioritize in my life. I’d break out my paints and brushes every 6 months or so, often longer, and get into it for an hour, and then I’d put it away for another year.
But in that hour or so, I’d experience this incredible calm. This feeling of peace. I just felt good, and happy, and creative, and present in the moment, in my own body. There are a lot of things we do everyday where we can be multitasking, and bouncing around from one thing to another, and thinking of a million other things…But when I’m painting, all of that falls away. It’s like a meditation, or what runners talk about, the “runner’s high” they experience when they hit their stride, and they’re in the flow. That’s painting for me. It’s a time to be focused and purely creative, to paint whatever I’m feeling, whatever emotion, whatever I’m going through. I don’t know what’s going to happen, I just allow myself to play, and explore, and express.
So I have been spending more and more time painting, and it’s bringing me joy! It’s something I felt called to do, and explore, and put more of my time and energy into, and I’m finding that it fills me up. It makes me feel more whole.
So, as we get into today’s discussion, I want to take a moment to pause and say hello, and welcome. If you are new to the podcast, or if you’ve listened to past episodes, I’m grateful for this space and I have some really fun, beautiful episodes planned for you. I am working on ramping up to recording weekly episodes. I love every aspect of creating this show, and want to use it as a vehicle to inspire you and empower you to truly find ways within your day to day to prioritize and explore your creativity, and do more of what makes you happy. I believe in the healing power of creativity, that the simple act of thinking creatively can lift your mood and signal your brain to release those happy, peaceful feelings. And I say that as a person who does not know the scientific ins and outs of the brain, but speaking from my own experience and wisdom and conversations and experiences with others, that’s really what I’m here to share.
And speaking of “here”, I want to make sure this show is as accessible as possible. I know some people enjoy listening to podcasts, some enjoy watching videos and some enjoy reading, so I am producing audio, video, and a written transcript of each episode going forward, so you can enjoy it any way you like, whether that’s on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Youtube, or reading the transcript on my website. So wherever you are, I’m glad you’re here!
If you enjoy my work and feel inspired to further support it, I just want to highlight a couple quick and easy ways you can do that, and then I promise, we’re going to get into the good stuff.
If you are listening on an audio platform, you can subscribe, follow, leave a 5-star rating or review. You can always take a screenshot on your phone while you’re listening and share it to your Instagram of Facebook stories, and tag me so I know you’re listening and can do a little happy dance. If you’re on Youtube, hit subscribe and thumbs up under the video, and if you’re reading the transcript on my blog, you can comment, pin a picture or two on Pinterest, or simply share a link to the post on Facebook or Twitter!
I want these episodes to be like a big party, a gathering of creative minds and hearts, where we collectively inspire and empower each other to live more creatively, live more fully. My goal is to build a table where everyone has a seat and feels welcome here, and you are free to mingle and connect. Come as you are. If you enjoy crafting or writing or coloring books or painting with oils or reading about art history or gardening or home decor, we are all creative in our own ways. We all have our gifts and skills. We all have different paths, but at the core, we are all creative, and in the words of David Rose, I feel like that needs to be celebrated. So if you are a fan and want a place to meet new creative friends, join us in the Creative, Happy Life Community on Facebook!
As always, thank you for your support. It has taken me a few different takes at recording to get some ideas out of my brain. I tend to, surprise, surprise, put a lot of pressure on myself. That pressure turns into fear, and then I just don’t…create. And that’s not a good thing. We need to be creating. We need to rip off the bandaid and get to it.
So, today, in sharing about my painting and what pulled me to paint more, we’re going to talk about your wants, desires and intuition. I am wondering if there is something that you are feeling pulled towards or called to do or called to be or called to explore. And we’re going to start by approaching this from a perspective I think a lot of us can understand. And that perspective is the Disney Princess “I Want” song. So what’s an “I Want” song? Lin Manuel Miranda explains this incredibly well. He wrote the musicals Hamilton, In the Heights and songs from Moana. He’s a creative genius, in my opinion, and I remember in the first year that I was listening to the Hamilton soundtrack, hearing an interview where he talks about the “I Want” song, and how in Hamilton the Musical, the song “My Shot” is Alexander Hamilton’s I Want song. He’s proclaiming and putting it out there into the world that he has this desire, he has something calling him to do more, and he’s not sure what it is. But he knows that it’s there, and he’s not going to ignore it. He knows that he has skills, he knows he’s smart and drive to push forward and do something with his life that’s meaningful and important. So he’s setting this intention at the beginning of the show that this is something that he wants. That this is his intention for his life.
And we see this song in most Disney movies, right? So, in Frozen, Anna sings about wanting to open the gates and experience life outside the castle walls and to have the windows open and maybe fall in love and have a life she’s dreamed of, but wasn’t sure would be possible.
When Elsa sings Let it Go, she knows she has powers and she’s learning to explore and embrace them instead of suppressing them and living in fear. She gets playful, and the more she plays and creates, the more confident and joyful she becomes. And then in Frozen 2, I hope I’m not spoiling anything, if you haven’t seen it, skip ahead a bit, but Elsa is literally hearing a voice calling to her, and she can’t ignore it, she doesn’t know what it is. She sings about having to find the voice and figure out who or what it is, and figure out what else she’s being called to do. She knows she has powers She’s already come so far with embracing her powers, but there’s something even greater out there for her, and she’s nervous, but determined to discover what it is, so she can fully step into her power and who she’s truly called to be, beyond the position of queen of her kingdom. There’s even more for her, and that is something unexpected. She already has what she thinks is enough, with her sister and little family, her kingdom, and using her powers. So realizing there’s something even more out there, deciding to go “Into the Unknown”, requires her to open up and embrace the possibility of more change, more uncertainty, but maybe more wonder and good, not just for her but for the world.
Moana sings about the ocean, it calls to her, she feels the need and desire to go out and explore. She has this life on her island where she’s expected to be the next leader and stay where she is, and solve problems where she is. But she feels this pull away from the island, her intuition and her wise old grandma tell her that she has to go beyond the reef. Even though she doesn’t know what’s out there, even though she doesn’t know how to sail, even though it’ll go against her father’s wishes and possibly disappoint her entire village.
So there are all these times that these princesses and characters are proclaiming to the universe, there’s something out there for me, I don’t know what it is, but I can’t ignore it. I know I have these skills, gifts, talents, powers. I don’t quite understand the big picture yet, but I know deep down in my gut, in my soul, in my heart, in my brain, wherever you hold your intuition, I know there’s something more for me.
These “I Want” songs challenge us to face the very real aspect of fear and the unknown of stepping away from a place of comfort and safety and familiarity. A decision has to be made to trust themselves, even though the path isn’t clear. That even staying and following the clear path doesn’t guarantee safety and happiness. And that trusting themselves to go against the status quo may mean disappointing or upsetting loved ones.
So those are some pop culture examples, but I think many of us, myself included, feel these intuitive pulls, at different times in life. So in these movies, these princesses and queens and characters are usually young, on the cusp of becoming an adult, coming of age, stepping into a time when they’re going to be a leader…but what about other times in our lives when we feel called to something new? When we’ve gotten married and bought a house, or have spent 20 years on a career path. Times of change and major life shifts are sometimes exacerbated when something in the world is shaken up. A chapter is closing and we’re on to something new. There’s a problem and we feel stuck. Something happens that rocks us to our core and breaks our hearts open. And it’s not always clear what this pull is, but we know it’s there and can’t ignore it.
What do we do if there’s something we’re intuitively feeling that we can’t ignore? After all, we aren’t living in an animated movie. We’re living very real lives with very real responsibilities. So how do we balance that pull with respect to those around us, our loved ones, who our actions may have a direct effect?
I wish there were an easy answer.
We are in a moment of collective shift, and change. With everything that has happened in our personal lives, in our families, in our work and schools and in the world, we’ve all had to make major adjustments. We’ve had to face some fears and hard truths. Either directly because of the pandemic, or because the effects of the pandemic brought this to the surface, many of us have taken this time to examine how we live, where we live, how we spend our money, how we consume, how we spend our time, who we spend our time with. This is a time of change. Like it or not, it’s happening. And no, not everyone is going to go out and do something new, move to a new place, change jobs, leave the city for life in a more remote setting. But I bet there are many people who are. Because there is so much on the horizon that we still don’t know. And many people may decide, you know, now is the time to do this, to find a job that makes me happy, to move somewhere new and make a fresh start, to change things up, because we are reaching a point where the desire to try something new, and hope it’ll be better, outweighs the fear of letting go of the comfort and safety of what we’ve known for so long.
For me, not being able to go out and do my photography work has been very hard, for many reasons, but most importantly, it’s how I support my family, it’s my job, it’s the business I’ve built for over 10 years. When I started, I was working a corporate job, and I would do my photography on the weekends and every day after working from 9-5 I would come home and work, work, work, work, work to build this business and this life as a photographer. So that when people thought of me, they’d think “That’s Shannon, she’s married, has two kids and she’s a photographer.” It wasn’t just a job I did, it became a core part of who I am. And I’m very proud of the work that I have done.
But what do you do when a core part of you changes? Because in March, it just went away. I couldn’t work. It was very scary. I lost income, I couldn’t plan ahead for work that I would typically depend on. And the scary part of having your own business and being your own boss and being an entrepreneur is that if the work goes away, that’s it. You have to figure out something else. Many small businesses don’t have a cushion, so the fragility of job security during this time has been very apparent.
So, when my work went away and got put on hold, I quickly had to change course. I was on a sailboat in the middle of the ocean and there was no wind, so I had to build some oars. I had to figure out something else. And I quickly turned to painting, and made even more time for it in my days and weeks at home, because it was something that brought me joy. It’s something that when I went through my miscarriage two years ago, I didn’t go to therapy. I probably should have and maybe I will go in the future, I think therapy is great and everyone who can should go to therapy. But I was very open about my experience, and I wanted to share that experience, and how I felt, and the different aspect of grief and the grief journey.
And I didn’t quite know the best way for me to do that, in a way that honored my loss and my experience, and help people understand the lasting and lifelong ups and downs that follows losing a baby. For a while I thought that I would write a book, and that’s not off the table. But I wanted to find some way to process and express what I went through. And everyone has different ways to deal with things in life, whether it’s loss or hardship or depression or coping mechanisms. Some people listen to music, some people journal or go to therapy, some people meditate. And for me, I really found that fulfillment, that support that I needed, in painting. Through the process of painting, I can fully embrace who I am in the moment. It doesn’t have to be good. I don’t have to paint for anyone but myself. And in that way, painting became an important part of the healing process for me.
And then back in the winter when my grandmother was sick, and when she passed at the end of March, it became even more important. Because I started recognizing in myself how I felt when I painted, and when I took the time to create just for me. And I listened to myself, and started trusting myself, and that feeling, that voice telling me, “You should do this more, you should do this, this is something that’s good for you, this is something you enjoy. It’s something that you’re good at, and it’s putting something beautiful into the world.”
Anytime you create something, you are making the world better in a very special way. You are sharing a part of yourself, whether you’re the only person who sees it or if millions of people see it, it doesn’t matter, it is beautiful because it was not there before, and now it is, because of you.
So, the creative process of painting, for me, became my “I Want” song of, I know this thing is here. I know I have the desire to paint. I know it’s part of me. I know that I’m good at it and enjoy it. I was really scared to put it out there into the world that this was something I was doing, because for so long, the core part of me that people recognized was being a photographer. And what I really wanted was to proclaim to the world that I’m an artist.
And that was a scary thing. That was stepping out of my comfort zone to proclaim and put it out there that I’m an artist. Yes, I’m a photographer, but look at this other stuff I am creating, that I love, that is a reflection of who I am and an expression of my experiences. And maybe it’s something I can do with my life, that other people might connect with and enjoy. And if not, that’s fine, too.
The more I started listening to myself, and allowing myself to explore this side of my creativity, not to get dramatic, but the world started opening up to me. I felt more like myself, comfortable in my own body, and comfortable in my own mind and comfortable in my own heart to express myself in a way that I hadn’t really known how to before, despite being a very open person when it comes to sharing my journey as a creative person, and as a woman and a mother. I stopped feeling the need to try to fit into anyone else’s idea of who I am or who I should be. It was like coming home to myself, returning to who I knew I was as a child, and realizing I have everything I need, and am worthy of a happy, beautiful life.
So I want to ask you…do you have an “I Want” song? Do you have a desire in your heart, a yearning, a gut feeling, something that you just can’t ignore…something that you want to do, that you want to explore…trust it. Trust your intuition, trust your brain, trust your heart, trust your guts.
You never know where it might lead you. And it’s scary! Think about these princesses - they’re in their comfort zones, they’re in their castle on their island, surrounded by familiarity, surrounded by family and a feeling of safety. And often times, when you are feeling this pull towards something, it might mean having to leave your comfort zone, even just a little bit, and to see yourself in a new way. It might mean having hard conversations, or finding the courage to speak up and proclaim your desire into the universe. You could be standing alone in the middle of a forest and just say it, to the trees and the air and the squirrels and the leaves, but words are powerful, and when you speak your intention out loud, it will change you.
Maybe this is what they mean when they say “speak your truth” - it’s already inside you, it’s already there…it’s already a part of you. But will you listen, and accept, and give it life, by breathing it into existence, out of your body, and into the world.
Sit with this, even for a few minutes today. Allow yourself to dream, to let your mind wander. Allow that pull on your heart to lead your body and your mind to a new place, a new perspective.
And I am going on the record here to say I am not talking about major life changes, like leaving your job, or moving your family across the country, but for some people, that might be it. But it could also be small incremental change in your life. Prioritizing yourself and the things you love. Finding a balance within your home and relationships where you feel peaceful in how you choose to spend your days. Learning to listen and trust your intuition if you feel like your brain is always holding you back from things that feel a bit wild and uncertain.
This life is not scripted. It’s not a movie with a predictable plot. It’s not linear. There are twists and turns, pandemics and losses, thrilling adventures and the comfort of returning home. We do not have to exist in a state of chaos. And we do not have to exist only within our comfort zones. There’s a quote, I’m not sure who said it, but it goes “A ship is safe in it’s harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.”
We are not trees. We do not need to stay rooted exactly in one place for our entire lives. And I think if anything, we’ve learned in the past few months to be flexible, and to be resourceful, and not to get sappy or sad or anything, but life is short, right? We have this one life, and what we choose to do with it might determine, plain and simple, if we enjoy our lives. We want to be happy. We want to feel fulfilled. We want to feel loved.
So instead of feeling held back by familial obligation, or anyone else’s idea of what your life should be, or your own hangups, because we all have these hangups. We all have things we get stuck on.
What if you just go for it. What if you slowly start giving yourself the time and space to do something new. What if you allow yourself to play a little more? What if you take the time to dream and then start acting on that dream? What do the first steps look like? What if the first step is listening to your own intuition, and learning to trust yourself, that you have what you want and need within you?
A lot of this has to do with trust. In life, there are risks, and we weigh the possible positives and negatives that might happen when we take a risk. But here’s the kicker. Even if the thing you want and desire and explore and feel pulled to doesn’t work out, it’s not a failure. There’s always a lesson to learn. Always a silver lining. Always a takeaway that you can use to determine your next steps. Use your experiences as stepping stones, each one bringing you higher, further, to a greater understanding and sense of purpose.
I’ve been through some incredibly hard, difficult, devastating things in my life, that I can look at and see the glimmers of light within the darkness. So when you are going to take a risk, or try something new, and you find that fear is holding you back, ask yourself this - what is the worst thing that could happen? What’s the worst possible outcome if I do this. And dig deep. Get to the core of the fear.
When I decided to start painting and proclaim to the world that I’m an artist, I confronted a lot of fears.
Who am I to call myself an artist? What if no one really believes I’m an artist, that I’m just some imposter? What if no one likes my work? What if I can’t sell my work and my family doesn’t have money to pay rent and buy food? What if no one takes me seriously? What if, what if, what if…
And what I found was that my fear was tied to a projection of how I thought people would think of me. It was all about perception. And not about the actual painting and creation of art.
So I just started making art, knowing how it made me feel. And I learned and grew to know that it doesn’t freaking matter what anyone thinks of me. I don’t have time in this life to stay small and safe. I have big ideas. I have ideas pouring out my body these days. Who am I to bottle that up and keep it on a shelf for safe keeping?
Because I’m 37? Because I’m a mom? Because I’ve done things a certain way for a long time and now, like Ross in the stairwell holding up a sofa, I’m screaming PIVOT!
So, if you’re finding yourself in a place where you’re also screaming PIVOT, or feeling a pull, or needing a change, I hope you will give yourself the time and space to explore it. Whether it’s a necessary change due to circumstances that may or may not be within your control, or a simple yearning to try something new, I hope you give it a try. Sing that song in your heart, into life. Fear be damned, give it a try. Because one way or another, even if it’s hard, even if it’s scary, even if it doesn’t go the way you expect, it will be worth it. And you are worth it. This beautiful life is worth it.
Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode. I am grateful for you, and hope you have a wonderful week!
Join the Creative, Happy Life Community on Facebook
Hey there, we just wrapped up an episode of the Creative, Happy Life Podcast. If you enjoyed it and want more - more discussion, more inspiration, more creative community, I invite you to join us in the Creative, Happy Life Community on Facebook! It’s a private group where we discuss episodes, share creative ideas and projects, and generally just have a fun time entertaining each other. Go to Facebook and search for the Creative, Happy Life Community group. There are a couple very simple questions to answer, and then you’re in!
Become an official patron
And before you go, I want to tell you real quick about Patreon, and ask that you consider becoming a monthly supporter! Patreon is a platform for creatives to connect with their fans, receive monthly financial support from their subscribers, and get to spend more time creating and doing the work they love, and less time worrying about where their next meal or rent payment will come from. Patreon gives creatives the ability to create freely and give back to their subscribers in a variety of ways. So for $5 a month, which less than a fancy cup of coffee, you can become an official supporter and Patron of Shannon Sorensen Creative. I have a private community where I share behind the scenes, my works in progress, I do live painting videos and chat with you and offer creative encouragement as I paint, kind of like Bob Ross, I do Q&A videos, and once a month I do a live video where I draw a coloring page that my Patrons get to vote on, and then you get a digital file of that coloring page to keep and enjoy! I chose to set up my platform for general support and interaction, because if you’ve followed my work over the last several years, you know I am always creating and sharing, whether it’s art, writing, or now this podcast show. So, if my work has connected with you in some way, if you enjoy seeing my art, listening to this podcast, or my writing has inspired you, I hope you’ll consider becoming a monthly member! You can go to patreon.com/shannonsorensen to learn more and sign up! Memberships renew on the first of each month, and November 1st is coming up this weekend. I hope to see you in there!
Share the happy!
If you enjoy this podcast, it would mean so much to me if you’d share it with friends, leave a review in the comments, and join me on Facebook to continue the conversation! Follow @creativehappylifepodcast on Instagram for bonus content and a glimpse behind the scenes.
